je t'aimerai pour toujours

You

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 14:55:13 GMT

In a dream I can feel. In a dream, this time, suffocates, full of wonders. Exactly as I want you to be
Exactly as I am.
The times are calling for something more of the realistic dramatic.
In dreams I see what I don't want. In dreams I see no time. In dreams there is the real life. Real life now is the dream. You are the dream. I am the dream. And I collapse with relief and no regrets. I collapse into arms, I collapse into the secure hold. In a dream-like reality I've found hope; peace. No time to rest on shallow hands that were below me. I feel. I am. Degrading. Loving is no longer a past time. I was biding
Biding
Biding
Biding
Biding
Biding
It's time!

You are my dream.

Getting away from you
Go away
I don't need you. You're everything that I hated
everything injecting at all times
everything infesting at all times
black acid containing my veins
I never wanted it any more.

I'll remember for later

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 03:26:41 GMT

[10:23:30 PM] B: I'm only happy because you keep me happy.
[10:23:47 PM] : then what is the other part?
[10:23:59 PM] B: Otherwise I just feel like a worthless sack of shit that doesn't deserve anything but to die.
[10:24:12 PM] B: I'm kind of a reincarnation believer.
[10:24:18 PM] B: so if I were to die, I'd just start over.
[10:24:27 PM] B: or perhaps.
[10:24:32 PM] B: I'd awaken or something.
[10:24:39 PM] B: big into that matrix stuff.

you're my angel

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 02:52:25 GMT

You're my angel, you're the only sunshine in my life. Feels like heaven when you take me in your arms.

Angels Don't Kill

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 22:00:55 GMT

(I want no one to escape)
I hear the footsteps going by,
Watching myself slowly die,
Sharp pains impaling through my heart,
Slowly tearing me apart...

One minute you're an angel fallen from grace.
Next, the fist that I hate.
Pick me up from the gutter with a gentle kiss,
Then rips out my heart to show me, how black it is!

No...
You're no good...
it feels so cold...
Yet I won't turn back.
I’ll die alone.

I hear the footsteps walking by.
Watching myself slowly die.
Sharp pains impaling through my heart,
Slowly tearing me apart...

When you appear as an angel,
Knocking me down, looking my way.
Could you ever kill the pain in my heart?
Even though they say angels don’t kill.

F**k no...
You're no good...
it feels so cold...
Yet I won't turn back.
I’ll die alone.
No...
You're no good...
it feels so cold...
Yet I won't turn back.
I’ll die alone.

I am going to spill

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 06:11:08 GMT

I look back at you, you cruel and miserable thing. But the tenderness I feel is like something of the curtain call. Mind like a gutter over you. Can't stop thinking about you. Can't get over you. Want to feel you. Want to touch you. But you're a heart-breaker. You're a goddamn liar, and goddamn fool and wretch. You are the cruelest among all them I know. I feel pity, sorrow and lust for you. I let my dark side feel for you. You're my cast shadow. I refuse to let my whole self engulf and feel actual love for you.

...........
You.
You are the best thing that has happen to me, and the best one to ever love me.
I cry, I cry.

armed

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 00:17:30 GMT

I think you really are crazy. I think you could be capable of committing many bad, terrible things. It's just something about you. I don't know if I should be scared... I think you're going to turn into some sort of sociopath.

There are very little things that bother you that I've never known to bother anyone else. You're violent. You jokingly chocked me as a demonstration once.
Yet you can be so nice, and lovable.
I think I love you. But it's like you're from a nightmare.

it

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 05:55:23 GMT

My heart feels as its broken again and again and again and again

sad blue eyes
hazel
just go away. Hurt me no more

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:06:21 GMT

Just a quick entry before I depart.

I need to write more, I think about writing more here every day. But they have me so confused. My mind's in downpour.
I do not know what to think anymore.
Please let me love you?

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 00:29:22 GMT

Please love me!!

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 04:20:30 GMT

Hurt me.

je t'aime

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 13:22:49 GMT

I need to protect you because I feel that you need my protection. I don't want to watch you go away.
Look at my smile, let it glow in the dark. It's there for you, it's there for the love of you. I can't watch you go.
I can't watch you look at the world with no opinion. I can't watch you leave this world without this beautiful dream not campaigning with you.
The deepest shade of envy-green will watch over you. It can't turn back, not until you're whole again.
I can not stop now, I can't watch you turn fully against the World.

7 yr

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 20:56:39 GMT

You become more appeasing,
my narrow-minded friend
every time I find myself at an end.
You're my care and hurt
my little shell drowning off the shore.
If I listen closely
if I put you up to my ear
I can almost see the salt swooning at your cheek
and can almost hear the bells which are
not so clear,
this is the hope of which I reek.

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 20:18:17 GMT

I love it when you hurt me every way that you possibly can.

It makes me feel so good inside.

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 21:21:22 GMT

I had a dream about you. You were as I see you now. We were together, but not in the companionship way. It was disaster. The woods, at the edge of the woods. Overcast. Gray. An old car. Your best friend there with you. I'm broken yet again, making my way to the back seat. I see our little yellow flower. But it's bigger than ever in my dream. Nearly all the petals have fallen off; they're placed by the flower as if they were still attached. I call you over! I wanted you to see our flower. I wanted to show you that I still had it, and that flower represented how much I care for you! Maybe if you just saw our flower again after so long, you would know then that I still love you.
You stumble over. I say, hey look! It's the yellow flower! You look down at me and say something along the lines of "we should really do it right now, I wanna so bad" I just look up into you and say, "...Why do you say that?!" You say, sorry I'm just drunk. After this is a blur, but you put me into your arms and roughly carry me away into the woods. You aren't even looking at me. It seems that you didn't care. You just wanted to get out of me what you wanted.
That is what I thought.

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 21:24:01 GMT

It's okay. I can wait 7 years for you...I can do it... I like the feeling of having no one to look forward to when I wake up in the morning.

I hate it when you look at me in the eyes. I hate it when you're nice to me. I hate it when you act like things may matter between me and you again. I love it when you ignore me. I love it when you talk to me like I'm a little kid. I love it when you act more of like you have been in these dreams I've been having for the last 10 months. It feels so great having dreams you end up crying to...coming to life.

You're new. I don't know if I can trust you. I don't know if things will end up for the better between you and me. It may just be like it was with me and that last person. You forget to talk to me and end up ignoring me for the rest of my life. Not that it matters. It's not like you think that I even cared anyway. I want to trust you because I WANT you, most important ways...For the worst ways, I guess. I don't think I matter that much to you, anyway. You don't know how or who I am. I have yet to figure that out. It's not your fault that I can't write a single piece of beautiful writing anymore. That's all on my part. I can't do anything anymore. I even doubt myself most recently when it comes to taking pictures; the one thing that I was good at and now I don't even know if I can do it anymore. I don't even remember how I used to think. And I still think about you, Pete. I think about you all the time. I think about you before I fall asleep and during the day when I'm lonely. I think about those times I'll be having in the future and you're not gonna be there. You never even knew me. I never really even knew you (personally).
It's funny because I never mention names of real people in this journal. That would be my first time. I don't know how it got out of me. It just must have been due to the three years of respect I've developed for you. "Never wanted anybody more than I wanted you."

I don't know who or what beliefs I can trust now. I don't know what's real anymore. I know what I WANT, but I don't know WHO I want. I guess I just want things to be mended. I guess I just wish I was a little stronger to pull myself through all of this mess...
But why do I still look at all of you; at all of the people who I have loved in my life...Why do I still look at you people when all you've given me is nothing and all I could have given you was everything to my best ability. I don't remember how to feel how I felt before.

I don't know if I should give you the chance if you even wanted it.

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 12:26:34 GMT

You had shocked me. I didn't expect you to look at me, let alone talk to me. Many times. In the way you use to talk to me before it all went down with us, me as the crash and burn victim.

Look at me many times. Behind your shoulder, to the side, straight at me. Always trying to catch my eyes. I was shocked.
Laughing with me. Understanding me. Looking at me. Smiling at me.
Could this mean you may be coming back to me?

Je t'aime

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 12:11:59 GMT

And now, in the position that I am in, I realize that I can't give up on you. Because now every time that I have done this, all I am thinking about when you are not the one I am with, all I do is think about you... Would you like this? How would you react?....What are you going to do to me?
And, obviously it is never the same and never will be until it's the shelter of your arms that I am in.

You understand me at where I have been and where I still stand now. I miss you so much for that. You know how to look at me the right way. And I love you so much for that. You smile at the things I say and have a line to go along with it. For that, I miss you and I love you. You have the safest arms I have ever felt when I have felt threatened, lonely or absent. For that I love you and miss you so much. I miss you so much. I miss you so much. I miss you so much. I miss you so much. I miss you so much. I miss you so much. I miss you so much. I miss you so much. I miss you so much. I miss you so much. I miss you so much. I miss you so much. I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you so much.

And you have the saddest blue eyes I ever saw. Like the palest blue skies smiling down at you from 8 inches above. The fullest lips. The most gentle hands and most slender fingers. The waist that I dream of wrapping my arms around every night; the perfect feeling that hasn't been real for the past 10 months. The softest touches to never hurt my skin along with the cruelest heartbreak to come from a lie. But I forgive you. I did from the beginning.

All I can do is wonder if you feel the same.

head like a hole

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 19:44:54 GMT

You've hidden what you've written. What is this that you have done? All that I have been living for these past years and now I can not go back to your page, I can not go back to your words. Now I can never read them again.
The you I fell in love with which I can not reflect on any more. My heart will forevermore deflect.

sent you a message

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 01:49:52 GMT

You're here, you're there. You're simply everywhere.
I put our flower in a little black box. I don't want any more petals to tear. I don't want any more seeds to be tossed about.
I love you, but I don't want to dream of you anymore.
Tu avons cassé mon coeur!

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 14:08:38 GMT

I'm trying to stay calm

calm calm calm calm calm calm calm calm calm calm calm

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 21:48:46 GMT

There's a smile under my lips whenever you say "I love you"
You're a fool.

the another day

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 15:48:55 GMT

You were an Ordinary Man; the pages I read, the lines I do like to say. And now I truly am looking at something else.
Then you come along, with your curls and cheshire smile.
Like beautiful scars to skin ripping open, we could love each other

you say.

(I still do adore you. And I still do love your sad-looking eyes)

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 21:43:05 GMT

Maybe as I thought sitting down by the grass, under the tree, surely you have finally (in that place, where ever you are) found your way back to me. My side of reasoning was never too rash, I always love to lay in the harmony. But watch me as I crescendo down into the present. I think so hard not to wander in the time of the past, or to strain to see the future.. Just looking to get out of last summer. Nothing ever comes to mind anymore; you've left it numb.
but, ho hum
soon I'll be in my slumber

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 22:19:22 GMT

This summer, I'm forgetting about you.
Next school year, I'm getting you.

The Nameless

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 14:30:41 GMT

(Don't go) I never wanted anybody more than I wanted you
(I know) the only thing I ever really loved, was hurting you.
(Don't go) I never wanted anybody more than I wanted you
(I know) the only thing I ever really loved, was hate.