je t'aimerai pour toujours

et aujourd'hui

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Eyes without a face
What have I done? Something I abhor. I was snooping. And what did I find? The most incriminating documents. That is what I get, for being a nosy little sneak. What was there? Abuse. Abuse. The very thing that has made me into the shamble of a human that I am today. Livid, disappointed, sad, and scared... and...Shocked? What am I to suspect? I hardly knew your person. I only know you as you are now, or what I suspect. What am I, but a second shot? How could I have been so hopeful and blind? My first, truly the only one. But what am I? A second chance to do things right? I am scared, most of all. Shocked myself, seeing how I am like some animal in blinders. You are a lifetime, but I am yet an adolescent in this sense. "Fearful. Enraged. 'Teaching a lesson'"
If I had been someone who has never experienced such a thing, maybe I would not see it for what it really is. The hitting, the hair-pulling, the choking, the verbal and emotional abuse. From the moment it started, it has molded who I have become. I swore, ever since I had the inkling that it wasn't "normal", that I would never inflict that on any child. No matter what I would be feeling. I would look back on myself, and find another way.
MY only true regret, is that I didn't do the same thing. That my mother didn't get incriminated for the same thing.
Will I ever look at you the same?

good of a time as any
I am excited and nervous, but I don't want to get ahead of myself. I need to take my time, but like someone said, 'time is a factor.'
There are so many things that could happen. I am so nervous. What if something goes wrong, or I run into complications? I have to stay positive, because stress won't help.
I'm happy, but wondering what's going through your mind.


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