je t'aimerai pour toujours

et aujourd'hui

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I feel like I can't handle it. Like it's killing me. Is there anyone I can trust? What are the words to say? I simply feel like I'm not able to handle too much of a good thing. I am jealous, nervous, tense, quiet, unsure. It is killing me. I think, would it not be better to end it now, so at least I have gone out happy? Am I happy now, with the things I've done? I hate the jealousy that I feel. The unwarranted jealousy. The feeling that, after all this, I am not good enough; that I could be thrown away without a second glance. What worth do I see in myself? Next to none. I don't know what you see in me. What is here, within me, to cherish? Anyone can leave in an instant, out of my life just like that. When I sit to think on it too much, I am so nervous to lose you so much that I begin to lose myself. I am nothing, I am only me, I am the only person I have to look out for. There are no other lives depending on me to live, to learn, to guide. Just myself, and I myself feel I am not worth it. I crave for my life to mean something, to have someone to live for. I've always been a person who wants to help others, in the deepest, most loving way. I have great compassion in my heart, but I am not sure where to express it. Or if it is appropriate. When I am alone now, I feel trapped, in a cage. When I am with others, I feel content. Myself. But alone, I'm left to my own designs, my own abusive thoughts. Others alleviate that pain. I am too much a coward to seek help, or to admit that help is even needed. I could be deluding myself. The jealousy eats at me. It's my greatest weakness.

what to do
Vergil 4
I'm frantic. After hearing that today I don't know what to do. Do I try to get even closer, try to make my intentions even more clear if they aren't already clear enough? Confront the person who is behind this? Why must you try to mess with other's lives? When will you get over this, when will you let go? Will you ever realize that what was between them was casual? You are obsessed. You are trying to interfere with my happiness. This is my personal life and you are trying to wreck and ruin it. You know that we are an item. You're trying to be in control. You cannot control me. I am in charge; this is my life. You need to move on, find a new crude passion.